Lauren Zanetakos
3/16/17
P. 8
Today our objectives were:
IWBAT: seamlessly integrate evidence
IWBAT: establish specific goals to revise/edit my writing
We began class by looking at three statements and distinguish which one is a claim. then Mr. Rivers put up a simple claim and told us to talk with our group to figure out how to make it better.
Sample quote:
Despite some initial skepticism, critics have embraced the strengths of the newest adaptation of Beauty and the beast “ their singing and banter is so vivid and so natural that you almost take for granted that they appear to be mechanical objects clicking and whirling in physical space, sharing the frame with human characters” Obviously, critics are interested in what the film has to offer.
This would have scored an (2/4)
Changes that you should make:
weak analysis
No introduction
No citation
Disgusting tone
Changed paragraph
Despite some initial skepticism, critics have embraced the strengths of the newest adaptation of Beauty and the beast. One reviewer says, “ their singing and banter is so vivid and so natural that you almost take for granted that they appear to be mechanical objects clicking and whirling in physical space, sharing the frame with human characters” (Scott). Obviously, critics are interested in what the film has to offer.
This would have scored an (3/4)
Despite some initial skepticism, critics have embraced the strengths of the newest adaptation of Beauty and the beast. many point to the enchanting characters and high quality Disney storytelling , “ their singing and banter is so vivid and so natural that you almost take for granted that they appear to be mechanical objects clicking and whirling in physical space, sharing the frame with human characters” (Scott). Obviously, critics are interested in what the film has to offer.
Intro provides context
Who? what ?where? Why? How?
What not working:
Coma before quote works as a period, makes it choppy
Final paragraph
Despite some initial skepticism, critics have embraced the strengths of the newest adaptation of Beauty and the beast. many point to the enchanting characters and high quality Disney storytelling, which create a world “ so vivid and so natural that you almost take for granted that [the characters]they appear to be mechanical objects clicking and whirling… with human characters” (Scott). Critics are interested in what the film has to offer.